This might or might not have happened. Caralee spilled her mixed drink in her hair, that's what she told me. I didn't see it but I believed her, her hair was crackling like rice crispies. We don't know where we are, but things like that wash out easily. I don't think I can wash this night out, I tried later and my skin still felt like Friday. We don't know where we are because we met these people at a crosswalk. We were eating our burgers at 3am on a curb and a couple walked by loudly. She was bigger and wearing a little black dress. She had a cut on her knee like she had to wade through blackberry bushes to get that drunk. He was gentle looking, which means gay. Arm and arm she was rasping something cold and harsh and he was rolling his head back laughing. I don't know how it happened but we were invited to where they were going. Caralee and a couple of our friends, following these people to a housewarming party? Or was it a birthday party? Only a couple blocks away at least. They seem alright. Jesse, our friend, he is substantial and tall. He is bigger than Caralee on my shoulders. If anything he can sidekick someone and we can run. And I don't know karate but I know ca-razy.  Yeah Caralee had whiskeyhair and everyone is a stranger and the person next to me has severely crossed eyes. I was drunk enough to make a joke about it to his face, but I asked him for a cigarette instead. He was really nice. Sorry about your eyes. Going to hell. He gave me a cigarette and I tucked it in my ear. I sat there for about one minute and decided to go outside. It was an urgent decision. I had to leave as fast as I could, even if I was coming back when I had smoked it to the filter. I can't be here right now! Where is here! Fuck off I'm leaving for 7 minutes! I lit it and sat on a rock, I threw my last burger at a parked car and snorted. I hate that car. I hate it enough to throw my last burger at it, enough to make a sacrifice so I can watch it bleed ketchup. I rock back and forth, I post with my hand and I come up with little stones stuck in my palms. I don't bother to brush them off, they are clinging to me for a reason. My little rockbabies, I love you so. Godsends. Let us have a drink later, I'll trickle whiskey on you and burp you like you are my own. I hear boys chirping down the streets. Like birds. Like the birds you hear in the morning, reminding you it's time to go to sleep. Except it's early, these are the early birds. They want me to walk past them. They have that accent, the one you hear and you know instantly. The one that means they have a roommate that pops pills and keeps a flask in her cleavage. I walk towards them, it's a couple blocks and their shiny hairheads and sleeveless bodies become clearer. I walk straight to them, but I don't look them in the eye until I get there. Until I am right at their feet, until I've busted some kind of bubble. I wait until some of them look up. "Who wants to kiss me." I say.  "What?" "I said who wants to kiss me." "Are you rolling?" "Yes." I lied just then, by the way. The entire time. Those last things I just said out loud, they are all lies. One of the boys starts to rub my back on the street. Another one lifts my eyelids. They talk about my pupils. One of them pinches my waist. They talk about me like I'm not there. This might or might not have happened. I may or may not be here, but at least my rockbabies know what's going on. At least they are solid and only capable of little trickles and they have me to take care of them. They aren't going anywhere. They aren't being stupid two times in a row with a bunch of strangers, not as long as they are attached to this palm.  One of them steps up. "I'll do it, I'm the crazy one." He strings a couple of those words out but I don't remember which ones. Just know that he strung them out and some of you might have cringed. He puts his finger on my lips, he rubs my lips with his index finger.  "Just making sure you don't have herpes, honey." I should punch him in his shiny face but I take it in my hands kiss him hard on the mouth. Someone said "he kissed me bang smash on the mouth" once. That's what I did. But I can't write that, it would be stealing. I have to be a good role model for the stonelings. All the rest of the boys are invisible now because I am keeping my eyes closed but I hear oooh girl's and oh my god's. I push him in to a wall, he laughs. I'm business right now though. He was wearing a wifebeater. I almost let myself realize that he is wearing a wifebeater and quite possibly a baseball cap but I fight it. I'll be ashamed tomorrow, I'll save it.  "What's your name?" He asks me and I told him my name. His tongue was cold. Maybe it will even out my witchbreath, we can forgive each other these mouth problems because we have no room to talk. I don't feel much like talking right now. He asks me if I want to go to his apartment and I say yes, the other boys and I march inside. I feel like I am plowing through air. Like my body is separating, windbreaking. Like I am creating pathways most likely to a waterbed and hard lemonade. I wonder if the rest of them are drafting off me like a speedskater, catching my wake.  We get to his apartment. Boys are talking. These are soft pillows. "Should we offer him a drink?" Someone says sitting next to me. "Yeah, we should." Someone goes to get me a drink. "Wait! He’s rolling. He can’t drink, you shouldn’t let someone drink when they are rolling." "I’ll take a drink." I say, standing up. They ask me if I am ok and I tell them that I am ok with taking a drink. They don’t give me one. I sit back down. The boy that I pushed against a wall is in the kitchen. What is he doing. Someone, a girl, breaks out of her room. She is steaming, she has lobster red skin. I wonder if she plowed out of there. Maybe we both have that windbreaking power thing I just found out about. We are so lucky. I smile at her, she starts yelling at the boy I pushed against the wall. "It is fucking 3 in the fucking morning. I have to get up tomorrow." There is some yelling. The boy is trying to wipe a smirk off his face, I can tell. I know about his mouth now. I know what he is trying to do with it. He is trying to wipe a smirk off of it, like I said. He tells her to calm down. She calls him a fucking immature bastard. Everyone in the room is quiet except me because I don’t care right now. I should tell someone in this room that I hate lava lamps but I don’t, I get up and leave. He has his back turned to me and I walk right by him, I don’t say anything to anyone. I am sorry I didn’t explain the scene better. The inside of the apartment. Truth is I exhaled the entire thing when I stepped out the door. I even spit some of it out on the ground. I broke that place down, it collapsed in my head like legos. I can do that, I can breathe things out like that. Especially houses. They go away in puffs. I start heading back to that other place, where my friends are. Up the street. I am almost there when someone calls my name. It is that boy, the crazy one. He runs up to me. He kisses me and then starts patting me. Frisking me, all over. "I just have to make sure you didn’t take any of my shit." He pats my back pockets, he taps then cups them. He snakes around to my crotch and gives it a short unnecessary tap and cup. He’s right, I didn’t remember that in the morning. I think about the rockbabies for a second. I almost tell the boy about them, but I hold my tongue. He didn’t find anything.  "Well.....you know where I live, if you want to come back sometime." I don’t say anything. Going back there would be like an escaped lab rat crawling back in his cage. I have no interest in being a tonka truck with those people anymore. I have no interest in going back there because I would have to analyze my actual reasons for doing what I just did. For saying what I said. For drinking that much. For that position and situation, for all those lies I just acted out.  I walk back up the hill to my friends. They call my name. They know I didn’t steal anything from them. They hug me and no hands wander. I tell them I love them. They love me.  My rock babies, they are sleeping in my papoose pocket. They are almost too tiny to be alive. I know what that is like. I will take care of them.  We go somewhere else. Bad things happen. You wouldn‘t love me anymore. But you know that i love you. And what love withstands. At least you know that. I wake up with my hands over my face and I can’t wash it off. Nobody remembers anything and I remember everything. My friends take showers in my shower and instead of taking one myself I sit there. On the carpet. Because it’s a waste of time.